So I have needed to do a blog about this for a little while, but I wanted to make sure that it was something that Bob and I were going to be following through with before I made it public to everybody. And no, I am not pregnant, but this does sort of fall into that category.
Yesterday, July 7, 2008, Bob and I made the decision that we are going to go through the training and licensing to become a licensed foster home in the State of Kansas. We are planning to participate in the Foster-to-Adopt portion of this program. What does that mean? It means that a child that is placed into our home is "more than likely" going to have his or her case end in adoption. Granted, unforeseen things can and do happen, but we're willing to take the chance.
The benefit to Bob and me is that we are more likely to get a "baby" than we would be if we tried to adopt a child already in the child welfare system. The benefit to the child (among other things) is that being placed in our home kind of skips the "fostering" part. This is opposed to if the child was taken from its birth parents, placed into a foster home, and then put up for adoption and then moved to its adoptive family's home, if that makes sense.
Why would we put ourselves up against a risk of getting attached to a child and then having the child taken away? Well, for several reasons. It doesn't appear that Bob and I are going to be able to conceive children on our own. This means that we could spend a LOT of money infertility treatments that insurance will NOT cover (artificial insemination, in-vitro fertilization, etc). We could do this and have it not work, thus being out a ton of money (likely $10,000+) and still not having a baby. Also, we could do private infant adoption, but again, this could cost anywhere from $10,000 to $25,000, which I don't see Bob and I having anytime soon, and that STILL could end in heartache! Not to sound totally pessimistic, but I could get pregnant and have a miscarriage. I realize that any of these situations could work out just fine, just as this Foster-to-Adopt could work out just fine. I guess the way I look at it, there are no guarantees in life, and if Bob and I can help a kid out for 2 days, or a week, or 6 months, or a year…at least we were able to help give that kid a positive experience while we had them. I know it may sound as if I am painting a rosy picture of this, and really, I do understand that this isn't going to be a smooth ride…I fully expect bumps along the way, and I wouldn't be surprised if there are going to be bumps that are going to knock us on our butts! But like I said, we're going to be doing something positive, and if one situation doesn't work out, it just means that that situation wasn't meant to be…
I think there is still a grieving process to this, if it makes any sort of sense at all…the fact that we will be "letting go" of a chance to have a child that is part of us (not that it won't be possible for Bob and I to still have a biological child). A teeny, tiny part of me feels like I am admitting defeat, and realizing fully that I may never get to experience what it feels like to have life grow inside of me. And the other part of me says that's okay! Like Kristen (one of the social workers) said yesterday…we may not be there for their first breath, but we can be there for lots and lots of other "firsts" that are more important!
If you have questions, please ask! I sure have a lot more and I love being able to talk about this! Bob is finally starting to open up about it too, which is really neat to experience. The meeting that we went to yesterday was more for Bob because a lot of my questions had already been answered. By the time we were walking to our car, he was telling me to call Kristen back and start scheduling the training as soon as possible. How cute is that?
I'll try to keep blogs updated about how things are going, and where we are in this process… Keep us in your prayers! We're going to need all of the support we can get! And I have to say…the one person I was truly worried about supporting us in this told me today that he is 100% supportive of me and my husband throughout this process. He actually told me he applauded me for pursuing this. Who is this person, you ask? My dad.
